For years I have been trying to find the path God wants me on. There was so many obstacles in my way that I could not find my way. I always thought that one day I would write a book. One day…… one day when I was more mature in faith, or one day when I was older and wiser, one day when I had more time, one day….. well, I think God is telling me that one day is here. I feel completely unqualified to do what I am currently pursuing, but I feel that it is the path God has placed before me.
First, I was just going to write a book about my bipolar/Christian journey. Then things began exploding. As I worked on my book proposal, I realized there is so much potential to get my message across. So I think I am being led into a speaker/author combination. I have now spoken at 3 events, two of which was a large class and one Ladies night of Worship.
This feels so right. After I spoke last night, so many people came up to me telling me of their own struggles and stories of emotional pain. Coming out from the other side of depression, I feel that the message and lessons I have learned are something that needs to be focused on. There is not really alot of people willing to bluntly share their experience of failure within the church and what they learned from those things.
It is easy to preach what is in the bible and the lessons it contains without bringing yourself and your own struggles into the picture. But when you add your own faults it becomes something so much more tangible. To admit my weaknesses…. Paul said that In my weakness may God have Glory. That is how I feel. The hardest part of this is going to be talking to my children about my faults. It is much easier to talk to a group of 2000 women and tell them what all I have done and how God has rescued me than it is to tell my daughters. May God grant them peace.
My journey has been a long one. I feel like I am beginning a new volume of my life. One that is wrapped up not in my faults and my bipolar/depression journey, but one that is wrapped up in bringing God glory.
Last night I had the pleasure to speak to a group of about 75 women at the Pegram Church of Christ. I am so grateful for that church opening it doors and arms to me. I was so nervous about the content I spoke on, because it is a very heavy content. I use the word “pissed” in my speaking. Not exactly a church word. But they loved me anyway and seemed we both seemed to have learned something from the experience.