So What?

By all standards, I have been a very fortunate woman.  I have the all-American life–A house, four kids, a husband who works hard and loves me.  I get to stay at home with our children.  Our daughters do ballet, karate, and summer camps.  We live in a small town where community is important.  But below the surface, I ask myself the question, “So what?”  What if I have it all, but there still seems to be an element of life that is missing.  Like there is something more to be had.

In the book I am working on I start it out by stating, “I have always wanted much more than this provincial life.”  I always seem to have had it all.  I have been blessed with solid, stable things around me.  My parents were together until my father passed away a couple of years ago.  We never really moved.  I never had to change school systems.

So What?

I still wanted more than this provincial life.  What is it that we yearn for, even if we have it all?  There is still something missing to our life.  We try to fill it with things–someone’s love and affection, someone treating us with value, or maybe we stay so busy doing good deeds that we fill the void with the good feeling of being there for others.  So What?

I have had it all.  Yet I have also experienced the horrors of depression.  I kept asking myself, “why?”  I had everything I could really want.  So the question of “So what?” haunted me.

There is more to this provincial life than having it all.  What makes our life go from being ordinary to extraordinary?  What is it that we are searching for?

We are searching for fulfillment.  It has been said that a woman who is confident in her purpose, reveals Beauty.  I don’t think we are searching for fulfillment from ourselves as much as fulfillment as to our purpose.

It is an amazing life.  To be fully alive, not by doing, but by being.  It has taken me forty years and many stepping stones to realize what God has in store for me.  “Life is not about finding yourself, it is about discovering who God created you to be.”  These two things are very different.  I used to say, “it is time for me to grow into my own skin.”  I felt so out of place within my own body.  Slowly, I am beginning to grow into the woman God has designed for me to be.

I don’t want you to misunderstand me.  I didn’t find myself because I went looking for myself.    I found myself because I started searching for who I am in relationship to God.  I discovered I am His daughter, His Beloved.  When I discovered these things then other things started to fall into place.

If you are not at a place where you can see yourself as Beloved, then I want you to pray that you can begin the steps to that journey. But be careful what you pray for.  You may be taken for the journey of a lifetime.  Sometimes we are ready for such a journey, other times not.  But finding your purpose in God is well worth the risk.

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About Holly D Russell

mom of four wonderful girls mom of faith

Posted on July 19, 2012, in Beauty, bipolar/depression, God, living life, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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