Balancing it All
Life seems to be coming at me fast and hard. Yesterday was one of those days. I felt like all I got done was to catch the spinning plates as they fell off their poles from above.
But right now it is quiet. I can take time to myself in these predawn hours. Savoring my coffee. Listening to the quiet. Watching my four year old sleep on the adjoining couch next to me. She smacks her lips in her sleep and rearranges herself. “Don’t wake up yet,” I think, “It is not time.” I truly need some time just to listen to the quiet. So I wake up early and listen to the message of the morning. It is still dark and will be for another hour. It is raining. Cars rush by on the street and I can hear the tires on the wet road.
Yesterday was not calm. Not for me at least. But I wanted it to be. It was my oldest daughters’ thirteenth birthday. I wanted it to be special. So I rushed around gathering supplies, trying to beat them home, bake a cake, a decorate with the help of two pre-schoolers. I didn’t get it all done by the time I wanted. I felt like I had let them down despite my efforts.
But it is my own expectations that I am letting down. My daughters knew little, if nothing, of what I was planning. I get the ideas in my head of how things should go off without a hitch. For example, my preschool girls wouldn’t spend the time we were baking a cake and decorating without whining and melting down. The truth was, they whined and had meltdowns repeatedly throughout the three hour process. It is funny the things we expect out of ourselves. I think I try to obtain realistic standards, and are then disappointed with myself. I have to remember, be kind to yourself. Give yourself credit.
In the end it was done. Favorite dinner served, strawberry cake for dessert. I forgot to bring out the ice cream. Homework done. Ballet lessons skipped. But we celebrated between the chaos of getting on these things done. Then, in a maddening rush, it was over.
I didn’t plan on it being so chaotic. Next year, I am ordering take-out and simply enjoying my time.
So this morning I sit reveling in the quiet, reflecting on yesterday, preparing to take on a new day.
That is the beauty of night. A new day always dawns. We get to awaken and try again.
Greet the day with the newness it has to offer. Accept it. Lean into it. Find the treasures it has to offer. Discover the gifts right where you are.