When the Waters Rise
When the storm comes and settles upon you. In very literal terms right now we have some flooding. Nothing like the flood of May 2010 which I wrote about just a few posts ago, but we do have some flooding going on. Generally speaking, flooding comes from too much rain too quickly. The murky water just keeps rising and rising.
In less literal terms, I can relate emotionally. I feel murky water rising within me. I question who I am all over again. What is my purpose? Perhaps I don’t question who I am as much as I once did, because I know Whose I am. I question if I have the strength and resolve to follow through with it. Can I keep going when the world is telling me “no”? Can I keep believing when I don’t feel worthy?
Going back to the first paragraph, “flooding comes from too much rain too quickly.” Perhaps that is it. I have had to much “rain” in my life too quickly. It has rattled me; doubt rises in me like the flood waters from the river. Usually in check within its banks, but today overflowing and spilling into all areas of my life. Am I a good mother? Am I a writer? Am I an artist? Do I minister to others? Am I worthy of such pursuits? Can I do such things when I feel like my personal life falls apart from time to time? Who am I to think I should do such things? Do I have the strength to give to these areas in my life?
Some days, I want to be more like June Cleaver and less like Beth Moore. Today is one of those days.
We all question ourselves from time to time, but currently doubt has risen and flooded into me and it has settled.
What do you do when the waters rise and you fill with doubt?