When Your Mirror Image is not Accurate

img_1157I stare into the mirror and a pair of brown eyes stare back at me.  They are the eyes of my father and my father’s siblings.  We all have those same brown, almond shaped eyes. I look deep into those eyes blinking, wondering who this person is staring back at me.  I look at my whole face and I see an uneasiness, an uncertainty that should not be there.

A few weeks ago I came across a quote that said,

“Who you envision yourself to be is who you become.”

Once again, the question of  “Who am I” started to haunt me.  I began to ponder and I realized that my self image had slowly deteriorated over the past few years.  No pin point answer as to why.  I haven’t been overly depressed, nothing truly negative has happened in my life.  In fact, some really great things have happened.  I think it has just been the slow, monotonous drone of every day life that has worn me down.  The constant needs for the laundry to be done, the dishes to be done, and the floors to be swept. . . again.  All of which seems to be invisible work that the fairies do while I eat bonbons and surf Facebook.  Then there are the emotional needs of myself vs. five other people in my household.

I began to reflect on how I defined myself.  I began to realize that I felt much like the fall leaves that were being scattered by the wind.  I had no control.  I felt powerless and meek.  I felt insignificant and tiny, overlooked.  When I view myself in picture form, I visualize this small, timid person huddled up like she is trying to protect herself from the next blow.  I realized that I had become quite the introvert over the past couple of years.  I realized that fueling these feeling were the thoughts I have in response to everything negative that happens around me.  Somehow I was twisting my thoughts into self guilt and that my needs didn’t matter.  My husband calls it my Cinderella syndrome.  I felt more like a Cinderella slave than a mother and wife who is part of her family.

Who you visualize yourself to be is who you become.

Think on it; take it to heart. I know that quote to be true in my own life.  I have to visualize myself differently before anyone else can and I have to do it now.  I can not see myself as that small, timid person who does not have a voice.  I have to visualize boldness, fearlessness and joy.  If I see myself as that person who is left out, then I will become that person who feels left out.  If I see myself as rejected, I become too timid to speak up so that I don’t have to face that possibility.  But if I see myself as a person who is loving, fun and willing to take chances, then I will become that person.  Not overnight.  But I will become.

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About Holly D Russell

mom of four wonderful girls mom of faith

Posted on January 31, 2017, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Oh my goodness, I so needed this post. Thank you for sharing. I need to make a big, scary decision tomorrow. I’m torn between the timid, frail, weak side of me and longing to step out in the courageous, faith-filled, stronger-than-I-know part. I love this! I’m so thankful God let us meet many years ago. ❤

  2. Holly, your words very much resonate with what I’ve been experiencing of late.Thanks for giving voice to this unsettledness within me.

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